


I killed a clown. AMA!

by liesmyth



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Coming Out, Melodrama, Nonnies Made Me Do It, POV Outsider, Post-IT Chapter Two (2019), Pre-IT Chapter Two (2019), Reddie-it, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22394368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liesmyth/pseuds/liesmyth
Summary: I (39M) got stabbed twice today and now I want a divorce. Help?Or: the one where Eddie is on Reddit.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 531
Kudos: 3778
Collections: The Loser’s Club <3





	I killed a clown. AMA!

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the most self-indulgent thing I have ever written! This fic exists thanks to some memorable threads on FFA, and owes a lot to [Robin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/robin_hoods) who came up with the best lines. Thanks to [Bec](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kabsprak) for looking this over.

r/relationship_advice

Posted by u/chevvyDIY76 2 years ago

**I (37M) accidentally called my wife (38F) ‘mommy’. Now she’s mad at me**

We’ve been married 6 years. My wife is very nurturing, too much so at times, and she worries a lot when I don’t check in with her because her dad walked out on her family when she was little. She kind of looks like my mother, who passed away 4 years ago.

Yesterday she called me before going to bed (away on business) and noticed that I sounded sick. I told her that I caught a cold at the airport and have taken some cough drops, and she told me I should call a doctor. I thought this was unnecessary, and we discussed it. In the end, my wife suggested we stay on the phone until I fell asleep so she could check on me. I started drifting off and she kept talking to me, and as I was falling asleep I said ‘goodnight mommy’. I guess I was remembering when my mother used to come into my room and watch me sleep as a child.

I just got home and my wife won’t talk to me. She explained what happened after I asked her, and she’s very upset because she and my mother disliked each other, and she says this is not the first time this has happened. I have no memory of this.

What do I do?

EDIT: no this is not ‘a kink’ & has never happened during sex. Calm the fuck down.

***

r/relationships

Posted by u/chevvyDIY76 2 years ago

**My (37M) wife (38F) insists on picking up my prescriptions**

My wife and I both take our health very seriously. We keep track of all medical appointments in a shared google calendar and I have it synced to my work computer. She works fewer hours than I do and handles the scheduling of our regular medical appointments (she has my info and is my medical proxy). I appreciate everything she does. However, I asked her to please *not* pick up my prescriptions from the pharmacy. I don’t want other people handling my meds and, besides, I don’t need my wife to remind me to take medicinals I was already planning on taking myself. She’s always telling me to do things I was going to do anyway, and it drives me crazy.

This has been happening for a few months now. A few times I even left the office early to pass by the pharmacy near our house, and she called me mid-way to say that she had ‘saved me the trouble’. I don’t need her to save me the trouble… I can pick up my own damn pills. I don’t want anyone who isn’t a medical professional handling them, and the last time I told her this she got upset and said that she isn’t ‘other people’, she’s my wife. I raised my voice at her and she cried. I have apologized many times for shouting, but today she texted me to say she’d gotten my klonopin without even asking me and added an alarm reminder to our google calendar.

How do I get through her that I don’t want her doing this?

EDIT: I don’t like people handling my meds because my mother used to make me take pills I didn’t actually need. My wife knows this. She wants to be helpful but how do I drive it home to her that she is NOT helping at all.

EDIT 2: Yes she also cooks and does most of the housework. I do the stuff in the garden & outside. We’re both satisfied with the division of tasks in the household & I’m not “expecting” anything. She just likes to remind me of things I was going to do ANYWAY.

EDIT 3: youre all fucking ASSHOLES.

***

u/chevvyDIY76

SORT • NEW

OVERVIEW POSTS COMMENTS

chevvyDIY76 commented on _(Investing) Roth IRA help?_ · r/personalfinance · posted by u/captncrunky

 **chevvyDIY76** 3 points · 3 days ago

Were you born this fucking stupid or did you take lessons?

chevvyDIY76 commented on _Lady actually drove this into the shop_ · r/justrolledintotheshop · posted by u/effireflame

 **chevvyDIY76** 5 points · 3 days ago

The frame doesn’t look that bad, I think the rust is mostly on the surface. Just throw new struts on it.

chevvyDIY76 commented on _I got my dad to come in for a therapy session_ · r/raisedbynarcissists · posted by u/frankiiilicious

 **chevvyDIY76** 8 points · 4 days ago

But do you TRUST your therapist that’s the important question

chevvyDIY76 commented on _Bathroom remodel advice: Pre-finished panels for shower?_ · r/DIY · posted by u/Joecaps87

 **chevvyDIY76 4** points · 6 days ago

You know that you will void the warranty on the product if you use the product this way, right? It clearly states that, “ _if used for its intended purpose and properly installed and maintained according to our published installation instructions...”_ Do you really want to risk a 50 years warranty? Don’t do this, man.

chevvyDIY76 commented on _Airbags didn’t deploy correctly during accident_ · r/MechanicAdvice · posted by u/joshuatrez12

 **chevvyDIY76** 17 points · 1 week

Absolutely get an attorney right now. Some of these models have been recalled and possibly yours should have too.

chevvyDIY76 commented on _(Debt) What are our chances of turning our financial situation around?_ · r/personalfinance · posted by u/badpanic63456

 **chevvyDIY76** 23 points · 1 week ago

You can go over to r/bankruptcy for details but I’d hold off on filing just yet. It can keep you from renting, getting a new job, and have bigger consequences than what you probably expect. How much is your combined take-home income? Do you own equity in your home? You can potentially get them to agree to a lump settlement and pay it off as a single payment with a lower interest rate.

chevvyDIY76 commented on _(Woodworking) Building a desk out of plywood, advice?_ · r/DIY · posted by u/springtimebabs

 **chevvyDIY76** 3 points · 1 week ago

A soft wood tends to scar more easily as you would know with five fucking seconds of research. It will still suffice for most interior desk purposes. You're welcome

chevvyDIY76 commented on _AITA for not being able to forgive my son_ · r/AmITheAsshole · posted by u/throwawaymom638

 **chevvyDIY76** 78 points · 1 week ago

YTA for validation seeking.  
OP: Here's my one-sided scenario with no background and attention-seeking catchphrases.  
Comments: You’re a saint, here’s an upvote :)  
OP you sound like an attention-seeking emotional vampire. I’d hate to be related to you

***

r/AmITheAsshole

Posted by u/chevvyDIY76 1 year ago

 **AITA for telling my sister-in-law to go f* herself in front of our family** (Everyone Sucks)

Sorry this is a long one.

My wife (married 7 years) and SIL have a very competitive relationship. SIL is younger than my wife and was the favorite child growing up, she went to law school and was the first to marry. My wife claims that SIL ‘bragged’ about all these things often, and used to make fun of my wife for being 30 and unmarried back when we were engaged. With all this baggage you would think they weren’t close, but they actually talk several times a week and we spend all holidays together, and see SIL and her family at least every couple of months.

SIL is married with 2 kids. My brother in law is an absolute imbecile and I deeply regret every moment I have spent in his company as I will never have those hours of my life back. Because my SIL and wife have been in competition their whole lives, sometimes my wife will subtly brag about me to her sister when we’re all together (I have a good career and also don’t dress like a 19-year-old hipster. BIL has been out of work for 3 years and he picks his sweaters like he’s colorblind). My wife’s attitude makes me uncomfortable, but I understand her family insecurities and want her to feel supported, so I never said anything. Last Christmas, my BIL instigated a debate at dinner at my MIL’s house. It was an extremely unpleasant experience for all involved. My BIL lacks the intellectual depth to carry any kind of argument, but he likes to provoke me into arguing. He’s also a homophobe (I’m straight but I am ideologically opposed to discrimination). When driving home after the dinner, my wife confided that BIL is cheating on her sister, and made me promise to never tell anyone.

Yesterday was my wife’s birthday. We had SIL, BIL & kids over for dinner, along with my wife’s mother & stepfather. During dinner SIL informed us that she was recently promoted at work, and everyone congratulated her. She then made a remark to my wife, saying that at her age she should be more professionally successful considering that we don’t have any children. At that point, my wife, very flustered, told SIL & the whole table that we are actually trying for a child. THIS IS NOT TRUE, children have been a point of contention in our marriage (I don’t want them) and my wife KNOWS this. I was fuming. SIL picked up on that.

After dinner I was cleaning up the drink glasses when I caught my wife & SIL talking in the kitchen. SIL was asking my wife if she’s serious about wanting children with me. I do NOT want children but I was offended, considering the kind of man SIL chose to procreate with. My wife asked her what she meant & SIL told her that I didn’t look very happy at the idea of children. She also said that it wouldn’t be a good idea to bring kids into a “troubled relationship”, and that I am “checked out” of our marriage. At that point I let them know I’d caught the end of the conversation & told SIL that someone who took back a cheater shouldn’t talk about other people’s marriages. My SIL went very red and said that my wife and I ‘deserved each other’ but the way she said it made it sound like an insult. I don’t know why that made me so angry but it did, and so I said “Well then go fuck yourself Lara.” Just then my MIL & FIL walked into the kitchen.

AITA?

EDIT: my marriage is not the point here. I don’t see a need for counselling and this is so not the point right now.

***

r/relationships

Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 7 months ago

**My (39F) husband (39M) likes horrible stand-up comedy. How can I stop him from bringing this up in front of our mutual friends?**

For the last year or so my husband has been watching a lot of stand-up comedy on youtube. I want him to have something relaxing to do (he works a lot and gets really invested in his ‘hands-on’ hobbies in a way I’m not sure is good for him) but I was very puzzled by this discovery as he likes very crass acts and that is certainly not the kind of humor hubby usually enjoys. I got him to show me some of it and while I guess it *is* funny, it’s not something I’d admit to watching unprompted. However, hubby is really ‘into’ this one performer and will watch everything he’s been in (interviews online, late night clips, ‘indie comedies’ etc.) The other day we were at dinner at a friend’s house and we decided to watch a movie. Hubby suggested we watch something called ‘Becky Got Blown’, and he said it with a straight face. When our friends inquired about it, he admitted shamelessly that he likes this comedian who is in the movie and has watched his act many times. I hoped our friends wouldn’t know who he was talking about, but they did, and we ended up watching the movie. This morning my friend Michelle texted me ‘I didn’t know [hubby] had hidden depths’ and I felt mortified. How can I ask him to never embarrass me this way again?

***

r/ relationship_advice

Posted by u/chevvyDIY76 4 months ago

**I (39M) left for a drive after a fight. My wife (39F) got into an accident running after me. How do I make it up to her?**

Been having difficulties for a couple of years now. My wife worries very easily and we have a house rule that you should never go to bed angry.

We had a fight last night and I left. I meant to drive around for a bit and clear my head but my wife kept calling me on the phone. I put the phone on mute and she kept calling and texting (for 2 hours). Eventually I picked up to tell her that she was making me more upset and I wasn’t sure I would be able to calm down enough to go home if she kept trying to talk to me. She went absolutely mad. She kept crying and said I had to come back before bed, that I was obviously not myself and I needed someone to check on me, and wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise. When she said she was coming after me I told her not to and hung up.

One hour later I got a call from the hospital. Apparently my wife got into an accident driving (black ice) and was brought to the ER on a suspected concussion. She’s fine and we have very good insurance but I feel guilty that she could have gotten seriously hurt while running after me while upset.

How do I make it up to her?

EDIT: This is just how she expresses her worry. I’m the first to admit that my wife can be very melodramatic, but she’s a caring person.

EDIT 2: Please stop saying divorce. There’s a reason why the sub is infamous & I came here for SERIOUS advice. I take my vows seriously and real relationships take work. Therapy is not currently on the table but I’ll keep my options open

EDIT 3: I came to this subreddit for advice not for summary judgement about my wife and my marriage. I won’t be engaging any further

iluvyourtitties 3.7k points · 4 months ago

You need to see a therapist NOW

julesgrantz 2.1k points · 4 months ago

Absolutely NOT. OP, you say you’ve tried counselling. You DON’T go to therapy with your abuser, they have a way of twisting facts to make themselves appear as the rightful party & use your insecurities against you. You need to go no contact ASAP.

kittyittytitty 781 points · 4 months ago

This. OP, judging by your comments & post history, your wife is a deeply manipulative, controlling woman. You need to GET OUT and BE SAFE.

[expand]

Sexbotmashine 1.7k points · 4 months ago

No therapy. Go no contact immediately.

[expand]

pussywhispererxo 3.1k points · 4 months ago

...........uh, dude, yknow this isn't healthy, right?

klarissatellsuall 2.3k points · 4 months ago

Check this guy’s post history. Deranged.

[expand]

jackthedripper 2.4k points · 4 months ago

OP has she hurt or threatened to hurt herself before to stop you from leaving?

 ** chevvyDIY76** 918 points · 4 months ago

She doesn’t ‘hurt herself’. There have been accidents when I wasn’t around. She gets nervous.

jackthedripper 1.3k points · 4 months ago

OP pLEASE don’t believe her when she says that. Shes lying

[expand]

desestroyer -67 points · 4 months ago

op grow some balls lmao

eta: what did i say?

 ** chevvyDIY76** 1.3k points · 4 months ago

Dude, I’ll shove yours so far up your asshole you’ll be tasting ballsack sweat for months

***

u/chevvyDIY76

SORT • NEW

OVERVIEW POSTS COMMENTS

**When can you step away from ‘In sickness and in health?’**

r/Divorce \+ · Posted by u/chevvyDIY76 3 weeks ago

234 comments · Share

**I think I may be gay…**

r/sexuality \+ · Posted by u/chevvyDIY76 2 months ago

1.4k comments · Share

**I (39M) left for a drive after a fight. My wife (39F) got into an accident running after me. How do I make it up to her?**

r/relationship_advice \+ · Posted by u/chevvyDIY76 4 months ago

3.9k comments · Share

**My wife complains I don’t pay enough attention to her needs**

r/DeadBedrooms \+ · Posted by u/chevvyDIY76 7 months ago

135 comments · Share

**AITA for faking a business trip to avoid a weekend with my wife’s family** (Everyone Sucks)

r/AmITheAsshole \+ · Posted by u/chevvyDIY76 11 months ago

2.7k comments · Share

**I (38M) have been lying to my wife (39F) and telling her that I need to work late so I could put off going home**

r/relationship_advice \+ · Posted by u/chevvyDIY76 11 months ago

789 comments · Share

**AITA for telling my sister-in-law to gf herself in front of our family** (Everyone Sucks)

r/AmITheAsshole \+ · Posted by u/chevvyDIY76 1 year ago

876 comments · Share

**AITA for making the new guy at my mechanic cry at work** (Asshole)

r/AmITheAsshole \+ · Posted by u/chevvyDIY76 1 year ago

345 comments · Share

**How can I (37M) tell my wife (38F) of 6 years that I don't think she'd make a good mother?**

r/relationship_advice \+ · Posted by u/chevvyDIY76 2 years ago

615 comments · Share

**My mother has been dead five years today and I don’t miss her at all**

r/GriefSupport \+ · Posted by u/chevvyDIY76 2 years ago

178 comments · Share

**My (37M) wife (38F) insists on picking up my prescriptions**

r/relationships \+ · Posted by u/chevvyDIY76 2 years ago

61 comments · Share

**I (37M) accidentally called my wife (38F) ‘mommy’. Now she’s mad at me**

r/relationship_advice \+ · Posted by u/chevvyDIY76 2 years ago

417 comments · Share

***

u/martymcfly6xo

SORT • NEW

OVERVIEW POSTS COMMENTS

**My (40F) husband (39M) left suddenly for a trip with ‘childhood friends’ he has never mentioned before**

r/relationships \+ · Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 1 week ago

2.9k comments · Share

**So far hitting my goal for the year!**

r/52books \+ · Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 2 weeks ago

7 comments · Share

**I (40F) think my husband (39M) is cheating on me right now**

r/relationships \+ · Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 1 month ago

1.8k comments · Share

**Letting go…**

r/offmychest \+ · Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 2 months ago

2 comments · Share

**My (39F) husband (39M) likes horrible stand-up comedy. How can I stop him from bringing this up in front of our mutual friends?**

r/relationships \+ · Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 7 months ago

567 comments · Share

(Season Spoilers) **Totally crazy, but what if…**

r/thebachelor \+ · Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 9 months ago

14 comments · Share

(Season Spoilers) **Do you think ________ is really a villain?**

r/thebachelor \+ · Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 9 months ago

61 comments · Share

**I did not realize how much I spend on the daily until I gave myself a limit. Best decision I made this year!**

r/frugal \+ · Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 1 year ago

89 comments · Share

**How can I convince my sister (35F) to leave her loser husband (41M)**

r/relationships \+ · Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 1 year ago

1.2k comments · Share

(Food&Drink) **LPT: Let food sit in the microwave after cooking**

r/LifeProTips \+ · Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 1 year ago

2 comments · Share

**What are the best cruise destinations?**

r/travel \+ · Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 1 year ago

12 comments · Share

**My (38F) husband (38M) told my sister something I had begged him to keep secret…**

r/relationships \+ · Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 1 year ago

786 comments · Share

**It sucks listening to my sister brag about all her accomplishments when I know the truth**

r/offmychest \+ · Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 2 years ago

9 comments · Share

**My (38F) husband (37M) keeps comparing me to his dead mother**

r/JUSTNOMIL \+ · Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 2 years ago

2.7k comments · Share

***

r/relationship_advice

Posted by u/ThrowRAcomingout2016 4 days ago

**Decided to leave my wife after a near-death experience. How can I break it to her?**

Typing this on my phone from my hospital bed. Near death experience made me reconsider all my priorities. My marriage is unhappy and a disaster all around, and Im also definately gay. I’ve reconected with a childhood friend who’s the love of my life and I didnt want to waste any more time. I called my lawyer and decided to get a divorce. Now I need to break the news to my wife (over-controlling, dramatic, prone to hysterics). Whats the best way to do that? Phone call sounds cold but I dont want her to fly all the way over here just to break up with her.

gemmakurtzs 918 points · 4 days ago

Was your childhood friend directly involved in your near-death experience?

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 314 points · 4 days ago

yes.

pussyta$ter69 584 points · 4 days ago

OP, have you considered your friend may be taking advantage of you? I know it hurts to consider it, but how can you be sure he has your best interests in mind?

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 216 points · 4 days ago

hes the love of my life.

sassyrickinlittlerock 814 points · 4 days ago

you're gonna regret so many things when the painkillers wear off

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 1.3k points · 4 days ago

still gonna be gay when I wake up, dude

songbirdsash 658 points · 4 days ago

Where are you right now? Why would your wife need to fly over?

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 96 points · 4 days ago

my hometown. went to my high school reunion.

songbirdsash 216 points · 4 days ago

When it’s the last time you spoke to your wife? Did you have a fight?

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 68 points · 4 days ago

She didnt want me to go to the reunion, but we smoothed things out before I left. I crashed my car.

EDIT: autocorrect. Cant type I’m on painkillers.

toosexyforjazz68 178 points · 4 days ago

OP when it’s the last time you saw your friend before your accident?

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 148 points · 4 days ago

23 years ago. We lost touch.

[expand]

goku666 89 points · 4 days ago

OP what is your financial situation? What about your friend? Does he know you’re married??

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 3 points · 4 days ago

I do okay have a prenup. He works in entertainment.

goku666 46 points · 3 days ago

Dude.

billyjoyzz 19 points · 3 days ago

Oh come the fuck on

catylingreekmissy 9 points · 3 days ago

OP he’s gonna bleed you dry

[expand]

EDIT: Car accient was unrelated to the near-death experience. The car was in my name (wife has her own) & insurance is gonna pay for repairs. My friend and I met at our high school reunion and he’s definately 100% into me, took the initiative, confessed tearfully while I was dying. THIS IS NOT ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP this is about me breaking the news to my wife. Pls help.

twinkletwinklemfker 3.7k points · 3 days ago

I’m going to say it. OP, if your friend cares about you and your well-being he will step back and let you recover and have some time to yourself while you decide how to move forward.

Congratulations on coming out, OP! That’s an amazing step you took. I was in a car wreck 2 yrs ago and def made me reconsider my priorities so I sympathize with that. Unlike other commenters I think you’re 100% right in pushing forward with a divorce even right now if that is what you really want. Live your life OP <3

However, please don’t jump into a new relationship too soon. After escaping death (what happened btw?) we feel a need to reassert our life, that is normal and to be expected. But please think carefully before making drastic changes you may regret when you’re more clear-headed. Talk to your lawyer, if you can. Do you have any other friends or relatives who could come over, instead of your wife?

EDIT: thanks for the silver!

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 2.6k points · 3 days ago

got skewered through the chest by a construction beam. it was close. Will need months of recovery. boyfriend said I can stay at his place so thats covered. What do I tell my wife?

twinkletwinklemfker 1.7k points · 3 days ago

Do you know if his place will be okay to stay in while you recover from surgery?

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 218 points · 3 days ago

Ive seen pictures it looks okay.

moniquewaswrong 1k points · 3 days ago

Will you be able to get around? Is it far from where you live right now?

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 96 points · 3 days ago

Its across the country but its ok. I can take time off work. I have savings.

Eklementarybabez 615 points · 3 days ago

op is there RALLY nowhere else you can stay? Moving across the country while while in recovery from surgery + in the middle of a serious life upheaval sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. You need a support system aside from your boyfriend

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 132 points · 3 days ago

Haven’t really got anyone else. You’re right about the move being complicatd though. Maybe we can just get a place together in my city. Boyfriend wont be working for a while after next month so it could work. Thanks for the idea man!

Eklementarybabez 213 points · 3 days ago

thats not really what I meant, op

[expand]

EDIT2: THE FACE STABBING WAS ALSO UNRELATED. I just had a shit fucking day. since you asked… yes all my friends know I’m married. Weve been married 8 years. Shes always been manipulative and needy & I always made excuses for her. My friends helped me see things. I wouldve left her even if I was straight (which im not!!!) it was just a shitty relationship to be in, man.

cantalueppe569 616 points · 3 days ago

Are all of these high school friends? Have they ever met your wife/ talked to you doing your marriage?

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 128 points · 3 days ago

Fuck no I hope they never met her

josejosrinrin 413 points · 3 days ago

Op you need an objective opinion on your life, wife & marriage from someone OTHER than hs pals you havent seen in 20+ years. They’re enabling you at a delicate moment in ur life and should frankly know better. May be taking advantage of you.

depressiosaurus 213 points · 3 days ago

This. OP wake the fuck up.

[expand]

atlantamarthaa 398 points · 3 days ago

I guess you could FaceTime your wife if you want to break it off before you get back, but don’t want to do it over the phone? If she’s as manipulative as you say she is you should just go directly through a lawyer.

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 218 points · 3 days ago

I feel like if I send her something in writing she’s gonna share it w everyone she knows. Shes TAHT kind of person. Also I dont really want her to see my face. I was also stabbed through the face and I don’t want her to see that.

baibabebaiii 248 points · 3 days ago

…what do you mean you were stabbed through the face. Wasnt it a construction bean?

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 98 points · 3 days ago

see my latest edit. that happened a few hours before my accident & was mostly unrelated. Im fine now anyway, it wont even scar that badly. I just dont need Marty to fuss over me.

baibabebaiii 138 points · 3 days ago

I’m confused, how the fuck did you get stabbed? Who’s marty? Your friend?

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 128 points · 3 days ago

marty’s my wife

sessmaster94 -178 points · 3 days ago

You call your wife ‘Marty’ and you thought you were straight? Dude…

berrybeeky 88 points · 3 days ago

This was totally unncessary

[expand]

jonlakerzzzz8 248 points · 3 days ago

Okay, calling troll now.

[expand]

EDIT 3: I’m finally off painkillers and much more lucid. Many thanks to those of you who offered good advice even as I got less and less coherent. Thank you, internet strangers, for displaying so much more kindness than I have experienced in eight years of marriage. To be clear, this goes out to the minority of you who actually offered good advice. The rest of you are judgemental fucks who don’t believe in true love, and you can all go jump off a bridge.

I ended up calling my ex-wife and breaking the news to her over the phone. I struggled with the decision because I don’t think it was the ideal course of action and wasn’t very respectful of her feelings, but I didn’t know what else to do. She has a history of twisting things I say and using my emotional responses against me, and I didn’t want to do this in person. I also didn’t want her to have anything in writing that she could use to argue that I’m not sound of mind and should be hospitalized (yes, I am exaggerating, but not by much). So, phone call it was. I’m not sure how much of my reasoning she heard because she kept wailing, but that’s done and over with. I am very excited to start the new chapter of my life, with my boyfriend. We’re moving in together as soon as I’m out of the hospital and I can’t wait.

No, this is not a troll & I’m not going to regret this in 3 months. But I will post an update and let you know how it’s going :)

***

r/relationships

Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 2 days ago

**MY (40F) HUSBAND (39M) HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED**

I dont know where to start… im terrified and completely heartbroken.

My husband (married 8 years no children) left town suddenly last week for a reunion with some ‘childhood friends’ he had never mentioned before. His hometown is a very unsafe place (SEVERAL violent crimes reported just last week) and I started to worry because my husband wouldn’t take my calls and only sent me short texts to check in. After 24 hours with no communication I called all hospitals in the county and found out that my husband had been brought in.

Its my worst nightmare come true. I’ve always been afraid for my husband’s health and I *told* him not to go, but he insisted he had to even though he hadn’t spoken to any of these ‘friends’ in 20 years. Just as I was looking up flights, my husband called. He sounded nothing like himself. He was raving and wouldn’t let me speak. He sounded on drugs and told me that he had spoken to a divorce lawyer and wouldn’t be coming back home. He doesn’t want me to go to the hospital and Ill be denied access if I got there. He says his friends are ‘taking care of him’. HE HASNT SPOKEN TO ANY OF THESE PEOPLE IN 20+ YEARS. He said hes going to move in with one of his ‘friends’ who lives on the west coast (from NYC). I can't believe hed do this.

I think my husband has been drugged and kidnapped. HELP?

Katleenzukkini67 415 points · 2 days ago

Get a good lawyer. If he’s really serious about the divorce this is the moment to think of yourself, not your husband. He’s a grown-ass man

**martymcfly6xo** 117 points · 2 days ago

I don’t think he’s himself. I don’t know what could of happened to him

Katleenzukkini67 315 points · 2 days ago

Doesn’t matter right now. He said he talked to a lawyer so get one for yourself asap

**martymcfly6xo** 198 points · 2 days ago

I think he’s being held against his will but I can’t prove it

[expand] 

salsabetta872o 367 points · 2 days ago

What the fuck. OP have you called the police?

 ** martymcfly6xo** 96 points · 2 days ago

yes they were useless. there's been an emergency in town and don’t have resources to spare to check the hospital like I asked. I’m sure he’s been kidnapped

[expand]

mcrxtoniolino 337 points · 2 days ago

Have you considered that your husband may have been having an affair/ planning on leaving you? He says he’s going away with friends you’ve never met, he wouldn’t talk to you on the phone, he may have been drunk when he told you he wanted a divorce. He was planning this.

**martymcfly6xo** 96 points · 2 days ago

we spoke on the phone twice. he was fine when he arrived

aragornslefttitty 217 points · 2 days ago

Thought you said he wouldn’t pick up your calls?

**martymcfly6xo** 45 points · 2 days ago

he called me when he got in town and after dinner. just texts the day after and then nothing. we usually talk much moreoften than that when he’s away

jizzyjenius 272 points · 2 days ago

Agreed on the possible affair or planning to leave, but what about the hospital? OP called them and they confirmed the husband is a patient. That worries me. Could be something serious

**martymcfly6xo** 114 points · 2 days ago

I don’t know… I’m next of kin but after we spoke he told me to stay away from the hospital and they’re not allowed to release information about his hospitalization. we have a joint health insurance plan and I called our provider to get a copy of the itemized bill but its not here yet

[expand]

starrybutts 217 points · 2 days ago

This is weird as fuck… he’s prob been having an affair. Don’t focus on the hospital stuff, that’s most likely a random accident that gives you time to build your case, you’ll need it. Try to find proof of the affair if you can. I wouldn’t be above snooping around. This is war.

**martymcfly6xo** 64 points · 2 days ago

I have access to his emails shared home desktop and usually his laptop (he brought it with him this time). He gave me his passwords after the last time I thought he was having an affair so I’ve been able to put my doubts to rest. But now I don’t know…

starrybutts 167 points · 2 days ago

Why did you think he was having an affair the last time?

**martymcfly6xo** 23 points · 2 days ago

He worked late often and didn’t answer the office phone when I called him. But he said he was going with his colleagues to get dinner if they all stayed late. He shares his GPS position with me when he works late so I could check he’s always in public places.

[expand]

wannaridethorshammer 187 points

No offence op but I WOULD divorce someone who made me give my passwords and wanted to keep tabs on me all the time (??) to prove I wasn’t cheating. You sound paranoid.

[expand]

thatonesaneworm 162 points · 2 days ago

op stop thinking about your husband and think of yourself. He *asked for a divorce*. He doesn’t want to talk to you. He’s an adult and know what he’s doing. Even if he’s on drugs and enabled by shitty old friends he is RESPONSIBLE for his own actions. Get a lawyer and move on, youre better off without him

 ** martymcfly6xo** 56 points · 2 days ago

but he needs ME

thatonesaneworm 43points · 2 days ago

gurlll….

**martymcfly6xo** 198 points · 1 day ago

my sister is a divorce lawyer

[expand]

Edit: Its been 24 hours… I couldn’t sleep, kept pacing and thinking that something horrible must have happened to my husband. Haven’t gotten the itemized bill yet but I have a horrible suspicion that maybe he hit his head and that’s why he’s acting so weird. He was also in a car accident (minor) the day before leaving and I’m afraid he could of had an untreated concussion. This morning a woman called me claiming to be my husband’s attorney(!) and asked me if I plan to contest the divorce. Tried to call my husband but it went to voicemail.

swisskniveenthusiast56 768 points · 1 day ago

OP from the bottom of my heart… let it go. He’s clearly going thru with it. He probably blocked your number if he’s having his lawyer call you. Get your own lawyer and put yourself first.

[expand]

suitablegentleflamer 743 points · 1 day ago

If he was in a car accident recently, maybe that’s what made him ask for the divorce so suddenly. He was shaken re-evaluated his priorities and decided he doesn’t want to be married. It’s sudden but it happens and maybe he’ll regret it or maybe he won’t. You gotta move on

**martymcfly6xo** 43 points · 1 day ago

he doesn’t know what he’s doing

slapdadsparklybutt 523 points · 1 day ago

earnestly how can u know that? hes an adult, let him make his own choices

**martymcfly6xo** -73 points · 1 day ago

He said he’s gay

drchill63 43 points · 1 day ago

Sounds like hes having a midlife crisis

[expand]

slapdadsparklybutt 383 points · 1 day ago

???? wth you didn’t mention this earlier? ofc he’d want a divorce if he’s gay

**martymcfly6xo** -123 points · 1 day ago

I think he’s lying.

numberofthezeast 176 points · 1 day ago

OP with all due respect what the fuck? If he tells you he’s gay, he’s gay. Let it go!

[expand]

[comment hidden]

curiousmuffin 403 points · 1 day ago

Why do you want to keep this gay man tied to you? There are so many d*cks in the sea

**martymcfly6xo** -171 points · 1 day ago

I don’t think he’s really gay. I think he’s saying to shut me up

urnewpuppyitsme 276 points · 1 day ago

Does it sound like a relationshio you want to be in???

[expand]

aladyofchaos 571 points · 1 day ago

thank ffuck yall dont have children lol

[expand]

Edit 2: I just found out… my husband said he’s leaving me because he’s in love with his (male) friend (that he hadn’t seen in 20 years) and they’re moving in together, but I put the pieces together and my husband’s ‘old friend’ is someone he’s been following online for years and he’s DEFINATELY straight. i know who he is and he 100% dates women. My husband is making a terrible mistake

asummeroflove 621 points · 1 day ago

OP I feel for you, this can’t have been easy to hear. But I think the best thing you can do at this point, for yourself and your sanity, is to put this behind you and focus on your life. I hope you and your husband can part ways smoothly and I wish you all the best in life.

[expand]

awhattheduck 491 points · 1 day ago

Even if he’s making a mistake that’s none of your business… he said he’s gay let him GO

judithsabe333 291 points · 1 day ago 

Right? the post alone gave me the chills but OPs comment/post history is a mess. I feel for the husband, ofc he went nc on her.

linusfan88 171 points · 1 day ago 

But did he go NC or are they still talking?

judithsabe333 121 points · 1 day ago 

check OPs comments. he told her he was gay first thing on the phone but she kept talking over him.

[expand]

wannaridethorshammer 447 points · 1 day ago

OMG I think OP’s ex-husband is a redditor

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/9yosk5/decided_to_leave_my_wife_after_a_near_death_experience_how_can/

aladyofchaos 231 points · 1 day ago

“over-controlling, dramatic, prone to hysterics” that tracks

wannaridethorshammer 115 points · 1 day ago

He sounds pretty dramatic himself lol

[expand]

mywaywardhymns 198 points · 1 day ago

I think he’s getting scammed by the new bf but it doesn’t mean he has to stay married to OP

[expand]

dinamitefrank 146 points · 1 day ago

I think this is an elaborate troll. I mean, he got stabbed through the face and impaled on a construction bean? And OP sounds so OTT. This is all fake

theshiniestsmile 78 points · 1 day ago 

wb ops post history though?

azucchinigreen 321 points · 1 day ago 

OP get a good lawyer and a good therapist, you’ll need both.

**This thread has been locked by the moderators of r/relationships**

New comments cannot be posted

***

r/BestofLegalAdvice

Posted by u/IronDildo 1 day ago

**OP with insane comment history of spousal abuse wants to know if he has enough to make a case for spousal abuse**

reddit.com/r/lega...

LocationBot score hidden · 1 day ago

 **Reminder:** do not participate in threads linked here. If you do, you may be banned from both subreddits.

Title: Do I have grounds to request a fault divorce?

Location is NYC. I just requested separation from my wife. She refused to accept it (screamed at me on the phone) & I can tell it’s not going to be easy. My wife has a history of controlling and manipulative behavior. This has been going on for years but I’ve swept it under the carpet until now. I want to know if I could file for a fault-based divorce on the basis of cruel and inhuman treatment on her part (verbal and emotional abuse). I can provide text messages and emails as proof, plus she has a history of being very controlling when it comes to my health and professional life (calling my doctors to get information out of them that should be confidential, calling my office all the time to the point where I had to change my extension, ask the guys at reception to block her number, and pretend we weren’t allowed external phone calls at work anymore). I also probably have audio recordings somewhere (my sleep tracking app records ambient noises in the evenings & it’s all on cloud storage, although I’d have to sort through hours and hours of recordings to find something useful).

However, I don’t want her to make a scene & want to avoid drama in the long run. I really want to avoid this getting out among our mutual acquaintances more than it has to be, and I’m afraid I’d be asked to provide eye witnesses. Do I have enough to make a case? To be fully honest I would be satisfied with a no-faults divorce if I could get my wife to agree to it quickly and quietly, so if I can build a case I’d be prepared to drop it in exchange for that. I just want her out of my life.

I haven’t told any of this to my lawyer because I’m not sure I’m blowing this out of proportions. Advice welcome.

EDIT: we have a prenup that was drawn mostly for estate planning purposes and has only vague alimony stipulations, though it protects our individual saving accounts. We’ve been married 8 years.

LocationBot 4.973 29/273rds | Report Issues

pornflakes 368 points · 1 day ago

I like how the post is, like, mildly creepy but not too much, and then the comments are all ‘the last time I threatened to leave her she overdosed on sleep meds and we had to go to the ER’

hellahellylu 56 points · 1 day ago

Right? Jesus christ, lady.

thunderbreathe 201 points · 1 day ago

Wonder what LAOP told their lawyer their reasons are for wanting a divorce if they think that all that shit in the post isn’t serious enough.

ConstipatedFarmer 145 points · 1 day ago

OP said

“I told my lawyer I’m gay and no longer wish to be married to a woman, and I asked her to handle all communications between my ex-wife and I”

This guy sure has a lot to unpack

trixiewreck 76 points · 1 day ago

Those comments + LAOP other posts are kind of horrifying when you put everything together

[expand]

\+ urururanus 98 points · 1 day ago _(2 children)_

santamoniquex 91 points · 1 day ago

LAOP also says that he’s just had emergency surgery (unrelated, was in an accident) and he’s worried his wife might force her way into the hospital he’s at… gosh

dickinabottle 43 points · 1 day ago

He should hope she does. Then he’ll definitely have proof. 

1roundbum2roundboobs 567 points · 18 hours ago

Wait holy shit this reminds me of the post from r/relationship_advice that went viral over the weekend

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/9yosk5/decided_to_leave_my_wife_after_a_near_death_experience_how_can/

Saw that on facebook thought for sure it had to be a troll

EDIT: thanks for the silver, kind stranger! My award for internet sleuthing.

ihurtwhenboner 98 points · 18 hours ago

Eh, don’t think it’s the same person as LAOP. Different posting styles.

crambrugleeee 90 points · 17 hours ago

Dunno, the last update of the ra post sounds a lot like laop and he mentions being high on painkillers / typing on phone before that. Also theyre both from nyc I think. *and* they both have a gay reveal a scary wife and emergency surgery? occasionally go off like a raging asshole in the comments? sounds like too much of a coincidence. its the same guy

storklord 167 points · 16 hours ago

Guy in the relationship post keeps talking about his boyfriend though. LAOP hasn’t mentioned a boyfriend once.

[expand]

GaiusJuliusSeizure 34 points · 10 hours ago

Man I hope LAOP is reading this and decides to enlighten us

chevvyDIY76 203 points · 8 hours ago

LAOP here. Yes it’s me in the throwaway post, I didn’t want to risk my ex-wife seeing it before I broke the news to her. Not sure if she keeps tab on my reddit account (we never exchanged ours but she knows I’m on here & I wouldn’t put it past her) but at this point if she tries to contact me here I’ll just forward it to my lawyer.

GaiusJuliusSeizure 98 points · 8 hours ago

Hi man! Good luck with the divorce and good on you for walking out of that mess. You did a very brave thing

…Do you mind clearing up the boyfriend situation for us?

chevvyDIY76 176 points · 7 hours ago

That’s a really long story & I’m still in the hospital with very limited internet time but there is indeed a boyfriend though I like to think I’d have gotten a divorce regardless. Will probably post an update to my post on r/relationship_advice at some point so watch out for that

***

**update**

***

r/relationship_advice

Posted by u/ThrowRAcomingout2016 6 months ago

**[UPDATE] Decided to leave my wife after a near-death experience. How can I break it to her?**

Hi everyone. This was my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/9yosk5/decided_to_leave_my_wife_after_a_near_death_experience_how_can/

I finalized my divorce two months ago. It looked at the beginning like it would be a tough one, but I was able to get everything wrapped up relatively quickly and as painlessly as possible. As soon as I got out of the hospital I moved in with my boyfriend (yes, we’re still together, and very happy).

I’m almost completely recovered from my surgery. There were some complications and physical therapy has been hellish, but I go through it and my boyfriend helped me the entire time. Between the months of therapy and moving across the country I’ve had to quit my job, but I’m currently looking for a new position and I have a second interview scheduled on Tuesday. If I get the job I won’t start until the beginning of the month, so the boyfriend and I are taking the next couple weeks off and going on a road trip. We’ll start in Nevada and then see where things take us. (I’m working on being more spontaneous, so I haven’t even looked up hotels yet.)

tl;dr: Things are great and my boyfriend is amazing. Why did no one tell me relationships could be like this?

baibabebaiii 2.1k points · 6 months ago

As a commenter to the original post I’m very happy to know you’re doing well OP. Congratulations on your divorce and good luck with your boyfriend! If you can would you mind telling us what exactly was the deal with your accident? The words ‘stabbed through the face’ have haunted me for eight months.

 ** ThrowRAcomingout2016** 868 points · 6 months ago

Thanks buddy! Trying to keep identifying details out of it, but to keep it very brief I was in a fight (total accident, wrong place wrong time) where someone pulled out a knife. Later that night a condemned building fell while I was inside (totally my fault, shouldn’t have gone in). I know. I plan on never going back to that town.

supersayansuperstar 914 points · 6 months ago

…didn’t you go out of town for your high school reunion?

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 667 points · 6 months ago 

Yes. I’ll skip the next one.

[expand]

xpressoflyingturkey 1.6k points · 6 months ago

Congrats, man!

[expand]

sugarcanesandslippers 821 points · 6 months ago

still think hes trolling.

lukespaiella56 332 points · 6 months ago

Someone found this guy’s main account and the comment history checked out and goes back years. It’s either a very elaborate con or he’s legit.

1eggplantmistress 765 points · 6 months ago

Surprised he’s still with the boyfriend.

 ** ThrowRAcomingout2016** 128 points · 6 months ago

Fuck you, dude. Sorry you can’t recognize a good thing when you see it.

babbybirdies 534 points · 6 months ago

Woah way too take it too personally dude.

[expand]

clownfucker 378 points · 6 months ago

I mean the boyfriend sounded kinda shady but it looks like theyre happy together? It’s cute that he helped OP through the PT and stuff.

[expand]

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 281 points · 6 months ago

Sorry I have anger issues. Didn’t mean to snap at you. I realize it doesn’t make a lot of sense because we only reconnected recently, but my boyfriend and I were really, really close growing up, and probably would’ve gotten married years ago if we hadn’t lost touch. He’s an awesome guy and I guarantee he definitely has my best interests in mind & I don’t react well to insinuations to the contrary because of my ex-wife.

mayanmaths 236 points · 6 months ago

Glad to hear this op. You sound very cute together and I’m sorry your ex said whatever she said, I bet she’s just bitter.

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 78 points · 6 months ago

Don’t know, haven’t talked to her. Don’t really want to.

onelittlesheepx 721 points · 6 months ago

How did the divorce go? I found your other post and it sounded like a shitfest

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 301 points · 6 months ago

We agreed on a no-fault divorce. We’re selling the house so I’ll get my cut of the revenue when that goes through. No alimony but I had to pay a one-off lump sum.

freeddiecooll 56 points · 6 months ago

Ouch, dude.

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 271 points · 6 months ago

No it’s fine, I’ve got a lot of savings and also my boyfriend won’t let me pay for daily expenses rn, because apparently I ‘micromanage too much’ and ‘worrying is bad for my anxiety’ (He’s not wrong)

onelittlesheepx 176 points · 6 months ago

I’m glad you have a good thing going OP

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 51 points · 6 months ago

Me too! It was about time

bangelsfiresoul75 81 points · 6 months ago

Same here! On the other post it kinda sounded like the boyfriend was taking advantage of a rough moment in OP’s life so it’s nice to hear they’re actually doing good.

**ThrowRAcomingout2016** 77 points · 6 months ago

I was high (on painkillers) when I wrote most of that. My boyfriend has since read it and agreed he doesn’t look that great in it so he asked me to make him look good in the update. So I’m not supposed to mention that he has disgusting eating habits and can’t drive for shit.

[expand]

***

r/AskReddit

Posted by u/uraurrarra 2 months ago

**What are some memorable reddit relationship posts?**

I’m bored. Please link in the comments!

lucciguccipucci 271 points · 2 months ago

that guy who divorced his wife after emergency surgery bc he realised he was gay. it was a whole Thing lmao. the first post was a mess and a half but then someone tracked down OP’s regular account AND someone found his ex-wife and it’s all insane.

clownfucker 81 points · 2 months ago

Man that was such a shitshow I loved it

cassie300007 45 points · 2 months ago

Link please?

tessaminei 39 points · 2 months ago

here

op: https://www.reddit.com/r/rela…

his wife’s side: https://www.reddit.com/r/rela…

the post on legal advice (same guy): https://www.reddit.com/r/lega…

ops update (8 months later): https://www.reddit.com/r/rela…

sounds like he’s doing okay

sofiazureK 2 points · 2 months ago

I choked on my soda reading some of those comments.

rotterdamsprouts 30 points · 2 months ago

thirding (or is it fourth-ing?) that was great. i kinda feel bad laughing about it bc its so messed up but apparently op is doing fine so my conscience is safe

gazellaredz 25 points · 2 months ago

my favourite part about that saga is the implication that op is dating someone famous

bububububuGhost 18 points · 2 months ago

Say what? I missed this

gazellaredz 23 points · 2 months ago

cant find it but someone had compiled a thread with all potential names. i think op moved to LA with a boyfriend who works in tv (??) or something iirc, it came up in the update post and someone asked op and he was like ‘its fucking disrespectful to speculate’ but its not like he denied it

parismathilde 17 points · 2 months ago

yea i think someone mentioned matt burke and that guy from the soloist and i think rich tozier? and henry james

clownfucker 31 points · 2 months ago

Wait wait what since when is Tozier gay

chailattevanillabean 18 points · 2 months ago

He isn’t. That’s just a rumor

parismathilde 15 points · 2 months ago

He doesn’t talk about it but he lives with a guy

[expand]

roadthetoad 8 points · 2 months ago

Wow wait REALLY?

[expand]

[expand]

[expand]

***

r/IAmA

Posted by u/RealRichTozier 6 days ago

**I am Rich Tozier, Maine native and occasional funnyman. Ask me anything**

Hi everyone, it’s Richie. I do stand-up (whether you like it or not) and if you’re too young to watch that then you may know me best as the voice of a flying gorilla! I’m in _Park Place_ , which opens in limited release next week, and I’m also throwing together a new show for sometime in the next year.

Proof: https://twitter.com/rrtozier/status/1246493230639799121/photo/1

I have 3 hours until I need to board my plane, come at me. But do it gently, please😉

EDIT: Anddd!! Time!! Thanks for all the questions, even the ones that got me in trouble. see you on the other side!! ✈️✈️

Sᴏʀᴛ ʙʏ Old

purrfriction 617 points · 6 days ago

What was your favorite movie growing up

 ** RealRichTozier** 2.1k points · 6 days ago

WHAT A GREAT QUESTION! I’m one of those assholes who blanks if you ask a basic question about favorite anything, but I DO remember my favorite movie as a teenager. it was LOST BOYS. I think I watched it so many times I ruined the VHS tape and had to borrow my friend Ben’s. I never gave it back

[expand]

dancingqueeeeeen 918 points · 6 days ago

Very important question but where did you get your glasses?

 ** RealRichTozier** 3.5k points · 6 days ago

dude, I lold. I got them at my optometrist that’s just down the road from my dad’s old practice. I’ve been going there for 20yrs! I have like five pairs and they’re all the same model (I know myself. I broke my glasses A LOT growing up so I KNOW theyre all gonna get broken at some point) I know I should probably upgrade the style of the frames but I’m a lazy fuck so when I break all the ones I have maybe I’ll think about it

[expand]

sparklyprincezucchini 1.6k points · 6 days ago

hey man I know you don’t discuss personal stuff but im very glad it looks like you’re in a good place right now. best wishes with everything 💖💛💙💜💚

**RealRichTozier** 2.2k points · 6 days ago

oh man thank you! Im dangerously close to sniffling in public rn so thanks for that too (but in a good way). yes things are freakishly good. i keep expecting to wake up but apparently this is just my life now! ngl im stupid happy. usually I’m just stupid

[expand]

snotforteacher 1.3k points · 6 days ago

What’s up with you and William Denbrough? Are you working on something together?

 ** RealRichTozier** 4.9k points · 6 days ago

not right now!!! we’re just friends (thats what I told his wife). I know FOR A FACT that he based his dashing-handsome-yet-tragically-doomed hero in Black River on yours truly so I may be able to insert myself into something that’ll get me fabulous Denbrough royalties (also smth I told Bill’s wife). wait and see I guess. maybe we’ll start a band!!

[expand]

walterwhittle 987 points · 6 days ago

Who’s the most famous person you have slept with

trotttrottpop 154 points · 6 days ago

Dude hes not gonna answer that and you shouldn’t ask. read the room

[expand]

 ** RealRichTozier** 1.5k points · 6 days ago

you CANT ask a question like this and NOT expect me to say ‘your mom’ except I can’t actually say of an internet strangers mom w/o sounding like a sexual harrasser. so I won’t say anything!! sorry 🤐🤐

[expand]

myleftnipple -147 points · 6 days ago

nice avoiding

**RealRichTozier** 113 points · 6 days ago

lol

[expand]

[expand]

sabellalanah 832 points · 6 days ago

Who would you say is the funniest person youve worked with

 ** RealRichTozier** 975 points · 6 days ago

oh MAN!! this is a hard one. I’ve worked with a lot of GREAT awesome hilarious people, and a couple of assholes (you know who you are… thank u for stealing my last fry when I needed the most, u monster) but tbh the truly most funny person I worked with was my co-host at a student radio station back in ‘95. she relentlessly bullied me on air about my music taste but its fine because there were only like 14 people listening in. I needed that roasting!! It taught me the value of rejection

[expand]

adeludeddreamer 2.76 points · 6 days ago

hey there! you wrapped your last tour pretty abruptly. can you talk about what’s coming next?

**RealRichTozier** 2.3k points · 6 days ago

honestly I wish I knew! Im doing a few different things currently but also taking some time to myself. I had to stay put for a while for personal reasons and did some voice work for a very cool game that’s coming out sometimes next year (spoilers!). I AM putting together a show but it’s slow-going so wish me luck!!! also you should catch Park Place in theatres if you get a chance!! this one reviewer said ‘[it] was the first time that I laid eyes on Tozier’s face without feeling immediate annoyance’ and I think this is the highest praise Ive ever gotten. If that doesn’t take you to the theatre what will!!

[expand]

acheeseenthusiast14 652 points · 6 days ago

What is your favorite cheese

 ** RealRichTozier** 2.3k points · 6 days ago

WHAT A GREAT QUESTION I have no fucking idea. thank you for making me think about this!!! I will obsess over this dilemma for the next week when I’m supposed to pay attention to something else

[expand]

treehuggingcarl 3.2k points · 6 days ago

How is your roommate doing?

 ** RealRichTozier** 7.2k points · 6 days ago

oh, jesus. ok, you win, dude. I didn't plan this and my team is gonna kill me because i didn't give anyone a heads up but I cant go along with the roommate thing with a straight face. he's fine. we got married last week

treehuggingcarl 918 points · 6 days ago

Oh my god

myhanissolow 1.4k points · 6 days ago

OMG REALLY???

**RealRichTozier** 4.1k points · 6 days ago

no, I just made this all up. yes, really (one of these is the truth)

[expand]

curtisbrown289 918 points · 6 days ago

please explain how you married a dude

 ** RealRichTozier** 8.2k points · 6 days ago

well we’re in love

(edit: wow I didnt know a comment could win so many badges! thanks reddit!!! this totally makes up for the way my phone went OFFFFFF as soon as I got off the plane. rip me)

[expand]

[expand]

[expand]

[expand]

…

…

…

…

clownfucker 876 points · 1 day ago

I know its been DAYS and I missed this AMA while it was happening but im DYING TO KNOW u/RealRichTozier if you’re still checking this post is the roommate/husband the same guy as that one reddit divorce post there are CONSPIRACY THEORIES on the internet. PLEASE!!! this is eating my brain

 ** RealRichTozier** 2.6k points · 12 hours ago

lol he's gonna murder me for this but: yes

clownfucker 468 points · 3 hours ago

wow.

**Author's Note:**

> It didn't make it into the fic, but you should know that Stan is also on Reddit and he and Eddie had a heated argument on r/personalfinance once. They both remember the other's username as 'that asshole' and consider each other Reddit nemeses. 
> 
> Shoutout to the amazing IT nonnies for the inspiration! Relevant FFA threads: [redditor Eddie](https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/407018.html?thread=2404084714#cmt2404084714) \+ [momfucker guy meme](https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/397008.html?thread=2339216336#cmt233)


End file.
